Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Randomize
