I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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