While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Randomize
