she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Randomize
