saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
