She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Randomize
