im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Randomize
