i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
