Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
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