You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Randomize
