I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
