dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Randomize
