if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize