If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
