if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
how does that bad decision feel?
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Randomize
