fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize
