After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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