Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Randomize
