last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Randomize
