rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Everclear isn't food dammit
Randomize
