you guys were way drunker than both of me
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
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