8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
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