I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
