The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
