Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Randomize