i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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