Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Randomize