I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
