that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
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