we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
birth control should be required to get into college
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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