it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
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