You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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