she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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