During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
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