Soap is not a condiment
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
