You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
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