i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Randomize
