either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I just want nice things and good sex
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
