i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
