jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
