It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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