I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize