billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
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