yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I'm like, not good at living.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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