I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
There's always time for handjobs
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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