chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
