You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I lost the right to judge tonight
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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