dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
