Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Randomize
