I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
