What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
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