Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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