She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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