i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
