too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize