I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Randomize
