Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
This beer is not sobering me up at all
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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