You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
