At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
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