Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
