If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
