If that was your dad, he is hot
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Randomize
