My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
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