I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Randomize
