I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
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