had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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