My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Randomize
