so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Randomize
