we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
