would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
