I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
